Black Hole
#1
I was the center of attention.
A bright prodigy;
born from a cosmic cradle,
collapsed under the gaze
of a million demanding stars.
Dreams and expectations crushed
by bending their rules of nature.
Now it all revolves around me,
not them, us, nor you,
only I in singularity.
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#2
I really like what you've done here.

Some minor suggestions:

Black Hole works for the title but I'd be tempted to rename it Singularity and then alter your last line to simply "only I."

I would also consider removing aspiring pupil from line 2. It works conversationally but doesn't really add anything that plays off the imagery. Bright prodigy gets you there on its own.

Your end words work very well.

Best,

Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#3
Hey Todd!

Thanks for the comment! I agree with you on removing 'aspiring pupil', removing it also seems to make it flow just a little bit better.
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#4
(07-20-2017, 06:56 AM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote:  I was the center of attention.
A bright prodigy;
born from a cosmic cradle,
collapsed under the gaze
of a million demanding stars.
Dreams and expectations crushed
by bending their rules of nature.
Now it all revolves around me,
not them, us, nor you,
only I in singularity.

The last line nails it! One quibble - "born from" seems a bit off, I would suggest "born to."
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