...when I am home.
#1
When I am home and in my bed,
familiar things around my head,
I know I will remember these:
Sitka's sighs in salty breeze,
skirling gulls on wind-wild days;
sun-gold water wedged 'tween haze
and Raasay Sound, sparked bright with foam;
when I am back in bed at home.

When I am home and in my bed,
I'll dream I'm in this land  instead;
prone Rona's peaks proud capped in snow,
hoist from the soft-sprung peat below.
From every cleft  sweet water swells
to flow in burns through quiet dells.
These things I hold, like words unsaid,
when I am home and in my bed.

When I am home and in my bed
awake, yet dream-strange  tears I shed.
Each by each bring memories
of floating eagles, tumbling screes,
mirrored mountains, salmon's wakes,
flame-flushed air before day breaks,
heather smoke that drifts and mists
the dour, drab Skye, where sunlight flits,
long after shadows lay blurred lines,
across the cladding, darkening pines.
All things persist; asleep or dead,
when I am home and in my bed.

tectak
Callakille2017
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#2
(03-31-2017, 05:42 PM)tectak Wrote:  When I am home and in my bed,
familiar things around my head, Recently I've considered the relationship between words I rhyme. These work in the sense that you dream/daydream in your head while in bed. The way you wrote it sounds too easy, and you also repeated "my", so...
I know I will remember these: Right here I like the divergence in the line-break. It rhymes as well as moves into something different.
Sitka's sighs in salty breeze, I actually don't know what/who Sitka is.
skirling gulls on wind-wild days; 
sun-gold water wedged 'tween haze
and Raasay Sound, sparked bright with foam;
when I am back in bed at home. 

When I am home and in my bed,
I'll dream I'm in this land  instead; Did you mean to put a colon?
prone Rona's peaks proud capped in snow,
hoist from the soft-sprung peat below.
From every cleft  sweet water swells
to flow in burns through quiet dells.
These things I hold, like words unsaid,
whenI am home and in my bed.

When I am home and in my bed
awake, yet dream-strange  tears I shed.
Each by each bring memories
of floating eagles, tumbling screes,
mirrored mountains, salmon's wakes,
flame-flushed air before day breaks,
heather smoke that drifts and mists
the dour, drab Skye, where sunlight flits,
long after shadows lay blurred lines,
across the cladding, darkening pines.
All things persist; asleep or dead,
when I am home and in my bed. What style of poetry is this? This line is repeated frequently, and I am unfamiliar with formality.

tectak
Callakille2017

So you like to dream a lot? Me too. I'm constantly (purposefully) oblivious of the world around me. It's taken some work.

So after I read it, I wonder if there's a reason you keep escaping to different worlds while in the comforts of your private bed?
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#3
This is fun to read, I feel like I've been on vacation with you, the heightened senses and trying to fully absorb and apppreciate and remember the moment. And take that enjoyment home with you. Lucky boy. Smile
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#4
Beautiful imagery, love the repeats. Makes me wonder where your 'home' is - it seems to be in all these places.
Poetry can be dangerous, especially beautiful poetry, because it gives the illusion of having had the experience without actually going through it.

~ Rumi
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#5
(04-01-2017, 06:18 AM)burrealist Wrote:  
(03-31-2017, 05:42 PM)tectak Wrote:  When I am home and in my bed,
familiar things around my head, Recently I've considered the relationship between words I rhyme. These work in the sense that you dream/daydream in your head while in bed. The way you wrote it sounds too easy, and you also repeated "my", so...
I know I will remember these: Right here I like the divergence in the line-break. It rhymes as well as moves into something different.
Sitka's sighs in salty breeze, I actually don't know what/who Sitka is.
skirling gulls on wind-wild days; 
sun-gold water wedged 'tween haze
and Raasay Sound, sparked bright with foam;
when I am back in bed at home. 

When I am home and in my bed,
I'll dream I'm in this land  instead; Did you mean to put a colon?
prone Rona's peaks proud capped in snow,
hoist from the soft-sprung peat below.
From every cleft  sweet water swells
to flow in burns through quiet dells.
These things I hold, like words unsaid,
whenI am home and in my bed.

When I am home and in my bed
awake, yet dream-strange  tears I shed.
Each by each bring memories
of floating eagles, tumbling screes,
mirrored mountains, salmon's wakes,
flame-flushed air before day breaks,
heather smoke that drifts and mists
the dour, drab Skye, where sunlight flits,
long after shadows lay blurred lines,
across the cladding, darkening pines.
All things persist; asleep or dead,
when I am home and in my bed. What style of poetry is this? This line is repeated frequently, and I am unfamiliar with formality.

tectak
Callakille2017

So you like to dream a lot? Me too. I'm constantly (purposefully) oblivious of the world around me. It's taken some work.

So after I read it, I wonder if there's a reason you keep escaping to different worlds while in the comforts of your private bed?
hello burr,
thanks for your take...I will take from it. This is about a vacation (annual) in Scotland...that explains why you may not know what a Sitka (Picea sitchensis) is...it is the most prolific introduced "plantation" tree in Scotland....I don't encourage googling to get a piece of work to make sense but on this one I may have to accept that what I thought was well known is not. I am unsure about the semi versus the colon at your mention....and with uncertainty comes indecision. I am still undecided but do not fret over it. The form is nothing...it's just how I felt. When one returns home after seeing many wonderful sites, breathed  the air, heard the breeze, pondered on the rivers...it comes as a little therapeutic jerk to realise that once back home all the things you saw are to you, memories...BUT...they STILL exist and persist without you as the observer....just saying....it's humbling.
Best,
tectak

(04-01-2017, 06:30 AM)ellajam Wrote:  This is fun to read, I feel like I've been on vacation with you, the heightened senses and trying to fully absorb and apppreciate and remember the moment. And take that enjoyment home with you. Lucky boy. Smile

Hi ella,
pent up after my technological exile!!!!!
This is another of my simple observation poems...Scotland gets me like that. I know I said recently that I do not expect people to need to google....but....google Mellon Udrigle.....I cannot getthe place out of my head.
Best,
tectak

(04-01-2017, 07:10 AM)just mercedes Wrote:  Beautiful imagery, love the repeats. Makes me wonder where your 'home' is - it seems to be in all these places.

Thanks merc,
home is in the Great Yorkshire Dales National Park these days BUT I am half Scottish and coming back from the beautiful North West of  Scotland  home to the North East of England is not as hard as it used to be...but boy, what memories.
Best,
Tectak
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#6
(03-31-2017, 05:42 PM)tectak Wrote:  When I am home and in my bed,
familiar things around my head,
I know I will remember these:
Sitka's sighs in salty breeze,
skirling gulls on wind-wild days;
sun-gold water wedged 'tween haze
and Raasay Sound, sparked bright with foam;
when I am back in bed at home.

When I am home and in my bed,
I'll dream I'm in this land  instead;
prone Rona's peaks proud capped in snow,
hoist from the soft-sprung peat below.
From every cleft  sweet water swells
to flow in burns through quiet dells.


These things I hold, like words unsaid,       
when I am home and in my bed.

i think memories are not like words unsaid... they happened. so:
"unbound from time and space and yet
i am just in my home in bed"                
... no, that´s not suggestion, maybe not even inspiration.


When I am home and in my bed
awake, yet dream-strange  tears I shed.
Each by each bring memories
of floating eagles, tumbling screes,
mirrored mountains, salmon's wakes,
flame-flushed air before day breaks,
heather smoke that drifts and mists
the dour, drab Skye, where sunlight flits,
long after shadows lay blurred lines,
across the cladding, darkening pines.
All things persist; asleep or dead,
when I am home and in my bed.

tectak
Callakille2017

i like the reiteration of the same line, just like you always have to come down from every beautiful high that we can add to that collection we call life.
but i also like the slight variation in the end of the first verse, perhaps you could follow through with this in the other verses (maybe something like "when I´m home lying in my bed" oor "when I´m home dreaming in my bed"
there´s love in your images, so i believe the tears in the third verse are happy tears.
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#7
that was quite neat.
thanks for sharing those lovely memories!

best to you

janine
there's always a better reason to love
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#8
that was amazing. thanks for posting, by reading it you brought back so so many memories, thanks again. if that's written by yourself without any source then you should know you have real talent. do you have anything newer?

This post is being approved for two reasons:

1. It's in Miscellaneous and we've agreed in the past that more or less any crap comment is ok here, and

2. To point out how to insult a writer while seeming to compliment them -- "if that's written by yourself without any source" is implying that the poet could have plagiarised, or would have considered plagiarising at some point in his life.  And "do you have anything newer" suggests that the writer is old and crusty (which he is) and irrelevant to a younger reading audience (which he most certainly is not); in addition, it also says that the commenter is too lazy to seek out other poems, even using what is essentially a very simple search mechanism, but is quite happy to throw meaningless comments out in the hope that someone will do his/her work instead.

This doesn't even reach minimum effort.  Please do take this under advisement to avoid offense in the future/ Admin
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