Thoughts for the Fourth of July
#21
(07-02-2014, 06:16 AM)Erthona Wrote:  Thoughts for the Forth of July

We created a Leviathan to defend our Freedom.
An ugly brute, powerful, but clumsy.
We gave it some of our Freedom,
to secure our security,
and those Freedoms that remained.
This parasitic relationship worked well...
for a time.

I'm left wondering by the capitalization. Leviathan, sure, but "Freedom" -- it might be to the speaker paramount, yet "Freedoms". And not "security", here implied to be as important as the f/Freedom given up, or the f/Freedoms sacrificed. So it could be a paean to anarchy (of the less violent sort), but right now with the confused capitalization the argument itself is anarchic (of the detrimental sort). The first Freedom capitalized for the sake of commentary, the second freedom capitalized for the sake of political reality, but not both.

The comma after the first "Freedom" also shouldn't be there. Lastly, the use of the term "parasitic" is questionable -- Leviathan for me edges too closely to Hobbes, which by my understanding is not parasitic, due to its logical consistency, and its being constructed as an agreement between all (unconquered) peoples, including, it is in the poem demonstrated, the speaker.

As Generations passed,
we forgot what an ugly brute
our Leviathan was.
We began to think its ugliness,
beauty.

At this point I'm a bit more off-put, but I think this is because of my politics, which I will not discuss. Or it might be the lack of specificity in the poem -- if the argument is not against the idea of government in general, but in the government of, judging by the title, the United States of America, or perhaps the aristocracy which developed it and was developed by it, then there are far too few signposts from within the poem.

And, echoing previous sentiments, yet another questionable capitalization: "Generations"?

We called it Mother,
and it consumed us. 

Last, I happen to love my mother in a relatively healthy way, Mr. Freud -- rather, if government is here Leviathan, and Leviathan is here called Mother, then....wait, is it? Again, the title points to an American context, but as far as I know the concept of a [Parent]land is very European, and somehow this all feels inaccurate to a certain degree with Cronus or the Man, since before the title's date a distinctly patriarchal system, being equated to woman. 

Again echoing, requires a mechanic.
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#22
(08-01-2014, 05:59 AM)Erthona Wrote:  My favorite is "The Forbidden Planet".

Yes, "leviathan" here is meant to equate the government with a large ungainly, and dangerous beast.

Dale

Good poem. And yes, Forbidden Planet, one of my favorites.
The process in your poem reminds me of the Krell's machine
that could turn thoughts into material objects. Have always
remembered the phrase:  "Monsters from the Id".

And that's what we celebrate here on the 4th, the creation of our monster/leviathan.
this fireworks show is a secret space war                
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