Favourite Holiday Poems
#1
Post them here. I've put "holiday" rather than "Christmas" in order to include all winter celebrations, regardless of belief, not for political correctness but just for variety. So feel free to post any Hanukkah haiku, solstice sonnets or even Christmas carols!

Christmas Carol by Sara Teasdale

The kings they came from out the south,
All dressed in ermine fine,
They bore Him gold and chrysoprase,
And gifts of precious wine.

The shepherds came from out the north,
Their coats were brown and old,
They brought Him little new-born lambs -
They had not any gold.

The wise-men came from out the east,
And they were wrapped in white;
The star that led them all the way
Did glorify the night.

The angels came from heaven high,
And they were clad with wings;
And lo, they brought a joyful song
The host of heaven sings.

The kings they knocked upon the door,
The wise-men entered in,
The shepherds followed after them
To hear the song begin.

And Mary held the little child
And sat upon the ground;
She looked up, she looked down,
She looked all around.

The angels sang thro' all the night
Until the rising sun,
But little Jesus fell asleep
Before the song was done.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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#2
I'm Happy with my Christmas Hat

The neurotic embryonic
made its bee-line for the gate
seems it got a little panic
and couldn't wait to wait.

It came across a Boy Scout knife
and fell into the sea
where it got sewn into gloves for Mom
and a Christmas hat for me!

I'm happy with my Christmas hat
as it talks to me in bed
and whispers of Pat Robertson
and how it misses Fred.

Fred's the name it gives you see
to the dog it never gotted
because it felt against a blade
and all its future clotted.

dmh

Santa left Momma holding the bag
three boys and one elf who dresses in drag.

Rudolph's no help, he eats yellow snow
and Vixen's just fixin' to give tars a blow.

They all gather round the honeynut tree
to rut (well; they're reindeer!) in X-mas debris.

Woe is to Mommy! Woe to the brats!
And whoa you damn reindeer, you're humping the cats!

Who knows how to stop them? Who gives a hung sock?
Mom's opportunity, and Daddy just knocked!
************
dmh (Dale Houstman)
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#3
More a song than a poem but i love it, best hearing it sung than reading it (it's a song)


by KEVIN BLOODY WILSON

HEY SANTA CLAUS YOU CUNT LYRICS



Quite often i'd get to thinking
how as kids we got by, like at Christmas time at our house,
we couldn't even afford a fire,
but we made due with what we had back then when I was young,
dad used to suck a peppermint,
and we'd all sit aound his tounge,
we couldn't afford no sparkley tinsel for our christmas tree,
so we'd just wheel old grandad in, and make the old cunt sneeze

"Wheel him 'round the other side nanna"

But things changed pretty bloody quick, I got kids now of me own,
and I heard 'em unrap their prezzies
last night when I got home.


Hey Santa claus you cunt!
Where's me fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice
Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.
If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!
You've stuffed me bloody order up
It's enough to make you spew
And I'm not the only one who's snakey
Me sisters dirty too!

(female voice)
Hey santa clause you cunt!
Where's me fucking pram?
You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.
'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand
I'll give you fucking ho ho ho
You forgot me fucking pram

(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts
And I'll let your fucking reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!
You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store
And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door
And we'll say, yeah you wait for it
Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies
He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike.
You wait you old cunt, I'm gonna dob you in
Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out

"I saw mummy sucking santa clause"
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#4
The first time I heard that one, Billy, it was being sung by Roy Chubby BrownBig Grin
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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#5
Definitely a Kevin Bloody Wilson original -- stop trying to pinch our artistes, UK.
It could be worse
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