Heavenly Bodies (edit)
(01-25-2023, 09:16 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  So long         we’ve known
       each other           feeling*

                     the pull        of our attraction*

orbits separated       
                             never destined*

to meet     we dance    
                                  all is*                  all is what?  all is sun-lit face?  your sun-lit face?

             sun-lit face        I see             if it's the partner's sun-lit face, I think you could lose "I see"

        haunted by         
                           shadows behind

a silvered countenance        our touch

                               the end             of us*

such an end               
                    it would be*

My use of white space is terrible but thought I would give it a try.
I'm no expert on the use of white space, but I tinkered with yours anyway  Smile    (*=a line I altered in some way)

I don't think it's terrible.  I've only done a few so far, and I think it's kind of liberating to have the option.  I decided to try it after reading some e.e. cummings.

Messages In This Thread
Heavenly Bodies (edit) - by brynmawr1 - 01-25-2023, 09:16 AM
RE: Heavenly Bodies - by TranquillityBase - 01-25-2023, 11:17 AM
RE: Heavenly Bodies - by brynmawr1 - 01-25-2023, 11:56 AM

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