In a dream of flight
(09-21-2022, 03:24 AM)ZHamilton Wrote:  If we dream of flying,
we know:
there is a ground below.    I like this opening a lot.

Even if it is never seen. 
our sub conscious’ subconscious knows.     I think just Unconscious would do it.
But this night,
this dream feels different. 
Tonight we fly
over terra infirma. 

A new world 
not quire born from the ashes
of a still burning history. 
Gasses swirling. 
Matter yet to form. 

A demand for genesis.               these are great lines, but the jump from genesis to the following lines is jarring to me.

But once the ground is gone,        here you switch to a more matter of fact voice than the cosmic one before
falling and flying are the same. 

Our flight is not that of the goose in formation,
but of the bat.
Unpredictable. Urgent. 
A quick change scatter dive. 

Searching. The sunrise still hours away. 

Our senses, so attuned to a prior existence,
no longer serve.
So we fly, 
if only by echolocation, 
through the descended dark.            This is my favorite section of the poem, starting with "But once the ground is gone...."  I was recently at one of the biggest bat caves in N.A., Bracken Cave, to see the bats come out.  This is a spot on description.  
All in all a excellent read.  Hope my comments make some kind of sense.



It occurred to me this morning, you might make this a two section poem; part I would be first 4 stanzas, ending with genesis; part II would be the rest of the poem.

Messages In This Thread
In a dream of flight - by ZHamilton - 09-21-2022, 03:24 AM
RE: In a dream of flight - by Semicircle - 09-21-2022, 03:55 AM
RE: In a dream of flight - by ZHamilton - 09-22-2022, 01:33 AM
RE: In a dream of flight - by TranquillityBase - 09-21-2022, 05:39 AM
RE: In a dream of flight - by brynmawr1 - 09-21-2022, 10:52 AM
RE: In a dream of flight - by TranquillityBase - 09-22-2022, 05:22 AM

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