Highway 12, 5:36 pm
Hello degrees,
I'd suggest swapping the last line and the title, and also adding more dabs of luminous color. All in all, there's interesting, stark imagery. I also have a soft spot for short poems like this. 
I couldn't help but add 'dwells' to slant rhyme with '12' 
Thanks, Mark

(02-02-2023, 04:34 AM)71degrees Wrote:  In Favored Time

Honeyed light,
pooling in warm

tiny figures,  Hmm?? Doesn't do anything for me
dabs of luminous

straw hat, a young man’s red jacket,  no 's on young
flocks of Canada geese  color?

a stir of starlings, color?
busy with evening

sunset dwells
on Highway 12

Messages In This Thread
Highway 12, 5:36 pm - by 71degrees - 02-02-2023, 04:34 AM
RE: Highway 12, 5:36 pm - by TranquillityBase - 02-03-2023, 02:01 AM
RE: Highway 12, 5:36 pm - by 71degrees - 02-04-2023, 12:50 AM
RE: Highway 12, 5:36 pm - by Mark A Becker - 02-03-2023, 05:49 AM

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