Need translation help, please

[Mark A Becker]

Thanks Steve (and daughter),
Her translation is very close to what I intended, with the exceptions of 'jolie=beautiful' where my thought was 'jolie=lovely'
and 'lueur=light', where my thought was ''lueur=glow'. 

I originally used 'vous=you' instead of 'tu=you', but realized that the more formal 'vous' does not work when the intent is more personal, more intimate.

Subtle yet important differences. 


Thanks busker-
The trans-literation is interesting.  I did struggle with 'sing'.  Would a French person say 'chantez'? Or would it be 'chantes' or another conjugation? 

I wrote this wondering how the words would sound when sung.  If a French person is listening, then would the way I wrote it sound right to them?

I wanted to try this experiment since I find French more lyrical than English (esp American English).  I always wanted to write a love song in French, and wanted to hear how the two languages sounded side-by-side.  Since I'm not a native French speaker, I found it to be an interesting challenge.

I want it to make sense, and be accurate, too.

Mark