Sun-ripening [edit, title change]
(01-15-2023, 12:47 AM)dukealien Wrote:  edit;


Tomatoes left out
in a sunny room
stay bright and flavorful;

those refrigerated
lose their sweetness
rot and shrink away.

Remaining fresh
demands not coolness
but incessant ripening.

Thanks to both critics!  I'm a little concerned that with all mention of people removed, the metaphor may  not be apparent to the reader.  Present company's perception has already been tainted, as it were, by the previous version, so it's hard to tell.  But it does seem to read better.
I worried about making it too vague as well but I think most people will get it if they spend a second.  And then they get the pleasure of that proverbial light bulb going on.

Messages In This Thread
Sun-ripening [edit, title change] - by dukealien - 01-13-2023, 08:58 AM
RE: Unintuitive - by busker - 01-13-2023, 11:40 PM
RE: Unintuitive - by brynmawr1 - 01-14-2023, 01:29 PM
RE: Sun-ripening [edit, title change] - by brynmawr1 - 01-16-2023, 09:17 AM
RE: Unintuitive - by Mark A Becker - 01-15-2023, 12:52 AM
RE: Sun-ripening [edit, title change] - by Wjames - 02-12-2023, 05:19 PM

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