Rain Light - edit2
(08-17-2022, 10:50 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  Hi Duke,
Thanks for the poem.  I enjoyed both versions, but I do like the edits.  Particularly the last line of S2 which summarized the deleted lines while still providing context for S3.  Part of me is glad you left the rhetorical question.  As a nerd, I find it hard to resist answering a good rhetorical question.  I do wonder about whether you answering it might detract from its effectiveness.  Part of the issue for me is that "should" invokes a certain amount of subconscious morality.  For example, "I should go to the gym" vs "I would be better off if I went to the gym" which, as you point out, isn't what you are going for.  I don't think you "should" change anything, just something to ponder.
Thanks for the read,
I recognize that "should" is normative, lying on the "ought" side of the is/ought divide.

Irrelevantly:  the effect of the sunshower was so lovely that I took two pictures of it.  As we used to say when photos involved film to be developed, they didn't "come out."  Puzzled, I magnified as much as possible... and the raindrops are there, frozen in time and space.  Apparently my phone, a recent model, had light enough to shoot 1/758 at f/1.8, ISO32 equivalent, completely losing the spears-of-light effect and leaving only little speckles.  So it was an imperfection in the eye.  Not sure how to frame that as a poem with so much technical backstory  Huh
feedback award Non-practicing atheist

Messages In This Thread
Rain Light - edit2 - by dukealien - 08-16-2022, 05:00 AM
RE: Rain Light - by TranquillityBase - 08-16-2022, 10:12 AM
RE: Rain Light - by busker - 08-16-2022, 10:31 PM
RE: Rain Light - edit - by dukealien - 08-17-2022, 12:22 AM
RE: Rain Light - edit - by brynmawr1 - 08-17-2022, 10:50 AM
RE: Rain Light - edit - by dukealien - 08-18-2022, 04:46 AM
RE: Rain Light - edit - by Wjames - 08-18-2022, 12:22 PM
RE: Rain Light - edit2 - by dukealien - 08-19-2022, 04:14 AM

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