08-17-2022, 12:22 AM
edit1;
As I sat on my porch this afternoon
cool cloud-shine flicked to thundering sun-shower:
bright instant rays of flashing icicle
filled air-space everywhere that could be seen.
This rare and cataclysmic-looking fall
spared book and watcher underneath his roof
from all but fragmentary mist and awe
in comfort to enjoy a threshing rain.
There must be others roofless in some storm
this day who curse an unexpected drench–
must my delight yield to their misery?
It doesn’t, and I don’t believe it should.
Sincere thanks to both critics. Good observations, both.
@TranquilityBase - absolutely right about unnecessary material in the second stanza (though reducing it did fatten my systemizing hobgoblin, who rejoiced in three uniform stanzas). Other changes also more or less in line with your suggestions.
@busker - your critique is just as valuable. My point (and, yes, there is one) is that enjoying beauty - and, perhaps, other things - does not necessarily harm anyone else and consequently requires no guilty feelings so long as it doesn't. To invert what Jefferson said about inspiration and reputation, when I light my candle at an aesthetic bonfire no one is the less for it. Your objection led to specifying belief rather than vision, which I hope helps put the idea across as something other than gloating.
As I sat on my porch this afternoon
cool cloud-shine flicked to thundering sun-shower:
bright instant rays of flashing icicle
filled air-space everywhere that could be seen.
This rare and cataclysmic-looking fall
spared book and watcher underneath his roof
from all but fragmentary mist and awe
in comfort to enjoy a threshing rain.
There must be others roofless in some storm
this day who curse an unexpected drench–
must my delight yield to their misery?
It doesn’t, and I don’t believe it should.
Sincere thanks to both critics. Good observations, both.
@TranquilityBase - absolutely right about unnecessary material in the second stanza (though reducing it did fatten my systemizing hobgoblin, who rejoiced in three uniform stanzas). Other changes also more or less in line with your suggestions.
@busker - your critique is just as valuable. My point (and, yes, there is one) is that enjoying beauty - and, perhaps, other things - does not necessarily harm anyone else and consequently requires no guilty feelings so long as it doesn't. To invert what Jefferson said about inspiration and reputation, when I light my candle at an aesthetic bonfire no one is the less for it. Your objection led to specifying belief rather than vision, which I hope helps put the idea across as something other than gloating.
Non-practicing atheist