Blame
#5
(03-30-2022, 11:59 PM)Semicircle Wrote:  Our hands linked together
in a bitter cage.
I wish when I licked my finger,              lick
you would let me turn the page.          or "would have"
I lament day to day
about the wars that we wage.

Tonight, 
I killed you
in a frenzied rage.
Only, when I bit of your finger,
would you turn the page.
Hi Semi,

I like this one too.  I did notice a typo in last part "bit OFF your" and the tenses between licked and would in the first part don't seem to match up.  Either change to "lick" or "would have" in the next line.  Good job!
bryn
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Messages In This Thread
Blame - by Semicircle - 03-30-2022, 11:59 PM
RE: Blame - by TranquillityBase - 03-31-2022, 12:19 AM
RE: Blame - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2022, 09:29 AM
RE: Blame - by Semicircle - 05-18-2022, 11:13 PM
RE: Blame - by brynmawr1 - 05-19-2022, 03:55 AM



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