(05-11-2022, 09:29 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  
(03-30-2022, 11:59 PM)Semicircle Wrote:  Our hands linked together
in a bitter cage.
I wish when I licked my finger,
you would let me turn the page.
I lament day to day
about the wars that we wage.

You should have let me turn the page.  maybe at the end, or not at all?

I killed you
in a frenzied rage.
Only, when I bit off my finger,   your  implies you use the other's finger to turn the page since they are dead.
would you turn the page.
Thanks for the suggestions. The "your" really adds a lot to the story.
"Whenever is a really long never"

Messages In This Thread
Blame - by Semicircle - 03-30-2022, 11:59 PM
RE: Blame - by TranquillityBase - 03-31-2022, 12:19 AM
RE: Blame - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2022, 09:29 AM
RE: Blame - by Semicircle - 05-18-2022, 11:13 PM
RE: Blame - by brynmawr1 - 05-19-2022, 03:55 AM

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