What's the Point of Puddles?
#10
(05-27-2020, 03:19 AM)Knot Wrote:  .
Hi Jp,
thanks for the read, and the detailed crit. Much appreciated. You're welcome.
I salute you intention to puddle stomp. Shame on you for not having done so in far too long Smile

I only invented one word. Ankling, which as you seem to suggest, is comprehensible through its context.  It is comprehensible. Sorry, I was nitpicking the tense and the reference that is out of tense
I fear that you've misread scudding and all the rest are in the dictionary (I've just (re)checked Smile ) Ah yes, so I did. Too bad I really wanted that to be where you were going. Oh well, it makes much more sense now. 

No problems about removing the comma (S2L3).

Would 'cloudless sky' be less abstract? (S4L3) Since I stumbled on the first read, or something sounding like it, I do realize that a simple 'sky' helps clarify things. 
(there was/is a rhyming issue, but I think I'm ok with that.) Despite knowing it's a reference, and now understanding the reference I cannot bring the brain to see it. It is a matter of reference points, there is nothing other than two words to lead me to this conclusion. Rather much like the evolution of easter eggs in the gaming industry. Once these had to be actual things from other games well hidden within the new game to be considered such, and nowadays pretty much anything with no context and bearing to what came before is accepted as such.
(I was trying to reference 'faint heart never won fair lady')

(S7/L4), hyphen, UK usage for compound adjective. I assumed it had to do with that, but was not sure. 


I both enjoy this stanza and have it let me down just a bit at the end with its overly action carrying descriptiveness
And is there a solution this conundrum? Smile To the 'stamping flat-foot slap? Standing, plashingly triumphant, swashing waters swooshing' issue, most likely i'd go lighter on them in a re-write  tongueincheek .



Best, Knot


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Messages In This Thread
What's the Point of Puddles? - by Knot - 05-21-2020, 10:06 PM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by JaggedEdge - 05-22-2020, 05:34 AM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Knot - 05-22-2020, 07:54 PM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by MarcoLynn - 05-23-2020, 01:08 PM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Knot - 05-23-2020, 07:09 PM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by penneddown - 05-24-2020, 03:40 AM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Knot - 05-24-2020, 07:55 PM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Jp - 05-27-2020, 02:41 AM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Knot - 05-27-2020, 03:19 AM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Jp - 05-27-2020, 04:10 AM
RE: What's the Point of Puddles? - by Knot - 06-18-2020, 11:09 PM



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