a love story told in haikus
#2
(05-16-2020, 11:20 PM)lilleahj Wrote:  a fighter lives here
fractured walls keep standing tall
trust was broken here

a lover lives here
painted daydreams of soft clouds
the artist heals here

a critic lives here
spoken truths and illusions
reflection starts here

an artist lives here
listening walls hear her fears
memories pinned here

lover boy explores here
eyes glued to the mountain sky
passion is born here

three houses across
a beautiful starlet lives here
she saw his silhouette

his dark midnight glow
dancing under the street lamps
charming and carefree

curious, she paints
albums full of recollection
alive in her mind

breathtaking detail
inspired authenticity captured
she fell hopelessly

heart needs no image
love is limitless yet blind
she fell hopelessly

our love was born here
inescapable design
we fell hopelessly

lover boy turned man
turned artist turned explorer
we grew together

nurture your children
healing strengthens every bond
we grew together

previous strangers
turned artists turned explorers
lovers live here now
Interesting, I think you have some beautiful imagery in this poem, also I like the way you described stanza 6 and onwards with great descriptions, you are missing periods too by the way in all of the stanzas.

This is the mild to moderate critique forum, not basic.  If you are going to offer critique in this forum, it needs to be more in-depth.  Please review the guidelines for each forum before posting in that forum.  Thank you! 

-Quix/admin
Reply


Messages In This Thread
a love story told in haikus - by lilleahj - 05-16-2020, 11:20 PM
RE: a love story told in haikus - by JaggedEdge - 05-19-2020, 01:46 PM
RE: a love story told in haikus - by dukealien - 05-23-2020, 12:15 AM
RE: a love story told in haikus - by lilleahj - 05-28-2020, 11:43 PM
RE: a love story told in haikus - by Erthona - 05-29-2020, 08:45 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!