(05-12-2020, 03:00 PM)ComposerMike Wrote:  Nature

I take my friend to see the field of flowers,
Because I love her.
My sad friend, her life lacking pleasure.
In nature our stories become small and the sky becomes large.
Her body, too broken to dance with another human,
Now bends gracefully to caress a yellow blossom.
This is how she loves.
Interesting, I love the rhyming of her and pleasure but you lose that with the rest of the lines, why? You should continue it, also I love the descriptive language in your poem, perhaps you should get rid of caress and change that to palpate instead. That may work. Anyway thank you for sharing.

Messages In This Thread
Nature - by ComposerMike - 05-12-2020, 03:00 PM
RE: Nature - by JaggedEdge - 05-13-2020, 02:39 AM
RE: Nature - by Pure Evil - 06-09-2020, 05:51 AM
RE: Nature - by Bunx - 06-10-2020, 01:25 AM
RE: Nature - by ComposerMike - 06-10-2020, 03:15 AM
RE: Nature - by penneddown - 06-12-2020, 12:50 AM

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