The Knights of Nary
#14
(05-21-2020, 09:46 PM)Knot Wrote:  .
Hi Jagged,
nothing wrong with taking time between revisions, no deadlines here.

Not sure why you've changed the title (do you want the Tolkien connection?) other than to make rhyming easier.

I'd suggest working out the chronology of events in this piece (and do it without worrying about rhyming). In S1 there is the instruction to 'advance' while in S2 'we' are 'facing' the enemy and 'the hour ... [is] upon us' (suggesting that these events occur before L2/S1). In fact, you could probably move S1 to the penultimate position. You have 'victorious' twice, and how does 'blood linger through our noses'?

Just a thought ...

Take up the sword you Knights of Nary
The hour of arms and blood’s upon us.
we face, once more, the dread Adversary.

Let your hearts be joyous - we fight!
And where the battle goes in our favour.
shall we slit the enemy's throat with a strike.



Best, Knot


.
Oh was Bree a place in Lord of the Rings? I may have to change it then? And hey thanks for the suggestions.
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Messages In This Thread
The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-11-2020, 11:42 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by ComposerMike - 05-13-2020, 03:31 PM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-13-2020, 04:35 PM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by ComposerMike - 05-14-2020, 10:20 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-14-2020, 01:34 PM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-14-2020, 08:28 PM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by Knot - 05-15-2020, 02:36 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-15-2020, 03:21 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by Knot - 05-15-2020, 10:06 PM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-16-2020, 12:27 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by Knot - 05-16-2020, 01:12 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-16-2020, 04:33 AM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by Knot - 05-21-2020, 09:46 PM
RE: The Knights of Nary - by JaggedEdge - 05-22-2020, 03:52 AM



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