Her cargo
#4
For me what's not quite working is the three somewhat unconnected metaphors about connections. They are "planted," they are the "salvation", and they are an "umbilical." 

I do like that "isolation is protection" that's an image that speaks a lot about life. There's a sense of loss in isolation, and many humans suffer that loss when they try to protect themselves through isolation. Countries try to isolate, see "Trump".

Also you might not want to repeat the word "connections" so much. I'm a noobie, but if you want to say a lot about connections, maybe title the poem "connections" so that it's clear, and then you can imply what you are saying in each stanza, imply that it's about connections without needing to repeat the word connections. But I'm just a noobie so don't have much of an idea if that would work.
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Messages In This Thread
Her cargo - by Emacskye - 05-09-2020, 07:31 PM
RE: Her cargo - by JaggedEdge - 05-10-2020, 04:28 AM
RE: Her cargo - by Emacskye - 05-10-2020, 09:45 PM
RE: Her cargo - by ComposerMike - 05-12-2020, 03:43 PM



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