Complications With Death
(05-12-2020, 02:52 PM)ComposerMike Wrote:  
(05-09-2020, 02:44 PM)JaggedEdge Wrote:  I am in love with you.
Your view of nature kept me balanced with a good life.
I felt a sense of wonder in your eyes.
You brought me with joy, I was at bliss.
But yet you kept me down, I was scared.
Scared of the fact that you tore my insides out.
All I could smell was the charred flesh I bore.
Yet I was alone and there was death.
Yet nature was a beast for me but you weren’t.
All I can do was sprint and touch god in the sky.
He was there to guide me and I died.
Now I was left in anger and in the afterlife.
The smell of burning fire was left there.
So I wondered the halls of fire for so long.
And there was Satan in his attire.
Leaving me to leave death to the reaper.
Once again I was defeated.
Leaving me under the care of you.
You were there next to me and in my arms.
I pestered about what happened before the fall.
I was dead never to return again.
I was dead never to return again.
I'm new here, and new to poetry, but I'll do my best with feedback. It is familiar to me as the trajectory of an abusive relationship. I'm a guy and when I was young, in college, I ended up hanging out with an abusive guy. I was drawn to him in the way that sometimes women are drawn to abusive men, although our relationship was entirely platonic. I like the comparison of the abuse to hell... it truly is a hellish, trapped state.
Thank you my friend, I appreciate your feedback, good luck with your poetry endeavors.

Messages In This Thread
Complications With Death - by JaggedEdge - 05-09-2020, 02:44 PM
RE: Complications With Death - by dukealien - 05-11-2020, 06:09 AM
RE: Complications With Death - by JaggedEdge - 05-11-2020, 06:39 AM
RE: Complications With Death - by ComposerMike - 05-12-2020, 02:52 PM
RE: Complications With Death - by JaggedEdge - 05-13-2020, 02:31 AM

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