Foam (burrealist)
#1
...liked your lines


Moonshine sinks
each sun rise.

Pilings corkscrew
in mercurial tide,

cranes migrating
for winter.


Down the pier
on the final beam

a dented can.
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#2
Hi slicer-
Some suggested changes below:

(01-21-2023, 06:22 AM)Semicircle Wrote:  Moonshine sinks
each sun rise.

Pilings corkscrew 
in mercurial tide,

cranes migrating
for winter.


Down the pier
on the final beam

a dented can.
Reply
#3
Appreciate it Mark.

I like what you did with the line breaks,
makes the poem seem fragmented.
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