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April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - Printable Version +- Poetry Forum (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com) +-- Forum: Poetry Forum (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-1.html) +--- Forum: Spotlighting the Hogs (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-68.html) +--- Thread: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 (/thread-25041.html) |
April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - Quixilated - 06-03-2023 April Takes a Walk An old man walks with a shuffle, his feet stirring the red-gold rustle of dried leaves. A low winter sun casts a shadow, broad and long, almost tickling his grand-daughter up ahead. She occasionally looks back to see if he is still there, but mostly she walks along, unaware of his smile. Poking around with a stick she finds a crocus newly broken through the moist ground. A purple tongue getting its first taste of spring. ———— The original thread can be found here. RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - Quixilated - 06-03-2023 Great job on this one! RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - Wjames - 06-03-2023 This is beautiful, brynmawr - it is very difficult (for me at least) to use rhymes when there's no rhyme scheme, and this is excellent. RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - TranquillityBase - 06-03-2023 (06-03-2023, 07:33 AM)Quixilated Wrote: April Takes a WalkCongratulations Bryn. Thanks for all the poems and critiques. TqB RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - brynmawr1 - 06-04-2023 Well, I don’t know what to say. I’m honored and humbled to be in such company. Thanks to everyone for all the generous time spent reading and critiquing. Special thanks to Mark for helping me get out of my own way on this one. Bryn RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - dukealien - 06-04-2023 Congratulations! It is indeed a well-done and evocative piece: deserved. RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - Tiger the Lion - 06-04-2023 Well done Bryn. The journey from first draft shows nicely how a poem can be tweaked and not dismantled. It's always a tightrope. You walked this one really well. Congrats RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - CRNDLSM - 06-05-2023 Glad to see you in here brynmawr! This is very nice walk to go on now and then. I'll come back to it again RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - busker - 06-07-2023 This is sublime. Very well done. What's there to write about spring and flowers and walks in the wood, you'd think But the last line shows that you can still talk about old, familiar things in new, unfamiliar ways RE: April Takes a Walk* by brynmawr1 - brynmawr1 - 06-08-2023 Thanks again to everyone for your kind words. No one achieves anything alone. |