Poetry Forum

Full Version: I Know This May Sound Selfish--free verse
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
I Know This May Sound Selfish

We slipped away to cloud nine but realized we couldn’t stay the entire time. So, we rode gravity back to Earth. Under all the pressure, we found our worth.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Please. Fight for me. I know this may sound selfish- but, I need you. Please. Release my love. It’s been held captive too long by my heart who has fell under oppression to my brain.
“I’ve been too tortured to take control,” it has told me.
All I’m asking you to do is dive head first into my veins and bring her back to me. Encourage her to not flee but beat better, longer, harder, stronger… Eventually, she’ll grow to trust you.
All you have to do is believe in her. Say that you prefer to stay here (in her heart)…but if she ever awakes to fear that there’s always room for her in yours, but even that distance is still too far apart. Say that you really want to rescue not just her but her heart and mind too. That without them on our side, it’ll be a tough ride and we won’t make it through.
Yeah! That should work! But once that task is done, it’s not over quite yet hun.
I know this may sound selfish- but I need you. You must teach her to reach her full potential.- It’s essential. Fresh out of war, she’ll need you more.
Sitting in the classroom of your love, she created a treaty with her heart and mind but she never knew she would come to find that you were blind.
So, why is it so easy? What taught you? Your love knew too well--- It lacked experience but worked just fine.
I’m trying to figure out what was the problem with mine. She was surrounded by love and still lost her will to continue……of course that is until she met you. Please. Don’t give up on her now.
I know this may sound selfish- but I need you. Our hearts are no longer neighbors, but roommates . . . For heaven’s sakes, we’re on cloud nine!
But there’s a fine for overstaying.
What I’m saying is that we need to be more down to Earth. Here, under the pressures of drastic measures, we can find our worth.
No more going out to dinner or being a bread winner. Just love. Money is tight but with all our might, we fight. Fight the stares, the hunger, the struggle to survive against their predestined doom for us. No matter the gloom, to fight is a must.
This isn’t about me and you, it’s about us. And I know this may sound selfish- but I need you.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
We slipped away to cloud nine but realized that we shouldn’t stay the entire time. So, we drove gravity back to Earth. After all the fight, here, is where we found our worth.
This was a good read! Very intense and I like the cloud nine bits in the beginning and end.
(11-30-2012, 12:47 PM)arbil_poieo Wrote: [ -> ]This was a good read! Very intense and I like the cloud nine bits in the beginning and end.


Thanks! Was the flow of it okay? and do you think that there was any weird/awkward diction?
No weird or awkward diction. Some places I stumbled but I think that's mostly the punctuation, like places with ..... it just kinda threw me off

I like the repetition and how you worded a few things that adds to the intensity. It's almost like it's being told to someone crying and begging.
(12-24-2012, 02:16 AM)Whiskurz Wrote: [ -> ]A very Well written piece my friend.....Great word choices.......Whisk

thanks