Poetry Forum

Full Version: I love her so much
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This is the fun section, so I must be careful in my comments.

1) If you are old enough to be dreaming of getting your leg over, you are old enough to make your own bed. Smile

2) It started well, pregnant with humour, But you lost discipline over the number of lines per stanza, and also the repetitive last line, which initially looked jarring, but bold, if you went on to pull it off.

3) It becomes obvious quite quickly. You had a good idea, but spun it out too long. It is a crime most people commit, including oneself even. My positive suggestion would be to cut it to about one third, and see if you can keep the structure and trickery going.

4) How is the bed-making course going? We all understand your need to fight this battle: once that is lost, it'll be the washing-machine -- your own clothes!-- and God knows what! Wink
i have to confess to being a bed lover myself.

what do you call yours Blush
Nice poem! Thumbsup I love my bed too haha