My first poem in years... I work on a small Scottish island, reliant on its ferry and seasonal tourist trade.
Her cargo
Her cargo, our islands life
She introduces and intoxicates
With seductive summer blooms
Connections are planted
An invisible storm, a wind with no direction
We’re given a mooring and told to hold tight
Our isolation is our protection
A web of kin, a firefly to light the way
We’re given a life jacket and told to reach out
Our connections are our salvation
The umbilical of our connections
With whirling amniotic waters
She berths and births
Her cargo, our islands life reborn
(05-10-2020, 04:28 AM)JaggedEdge Wrote: [ -> ] (05-09-2020, 07:31 PM)Emacskye Wrote: [ -> ]My first poem in years... I work on a small Scottish island, reliant on its ferry and seasonal tourist trade.
Her cargo
Her cargo, our islands life
She introduces and intoxicates
With seductive summer blooms
Connections are planted
An invisible storm, a wind with no direction
We’re given a mooring and told to hold tight
Our isolation is our protection
A web of kin, a firefly to light the way
We’re given a life jacket and told to reach out
Our connections are our salvation
The umbilical of our connections
With whirling amniotic waters
She berths and births
Her cargo, our islands life reborn
Nice poem you really describe the sea life really well, I don't think there is anything wrong with this piece other than the lack of periods which I think you forgot to add some. I like the lines "with seductive summer blooms" interesting poem, thanks for sharing!
Thank you
I did, bizarrely, forget the full stops.
For me what's not quite working is the three somewhat unconnected metaphors about connections. They are "planted," they are the "salvation", and they are an "umbilical."
I do like that "isolation is protection" that's an image that speaks a lot about life. There's a sense of loss in isolation, and many humans suffer that loss when they try to protect themselves through isolation. Countries try to isolate, see "Trump".
Also you might not want to repeat the word "connections" so much. I'm a noobie, but if you want to say a lot about connections, maybe title the poem "connections" so that it's clear, and then you can imply what you are saying in each stanza, imply that it's about connections without needing to repeat the word connections. But I'm just a noobie so don't have much of an idea if that would work.
This poem interests me, partly due to my lack of knowledge of ships or coasts. Also, I know I'm coming in late to your thread.
I'm reading this to be about cargo carriers, from the beginning?
Before I say anything else, is that basic reading correct? Don't explain too much.