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Saw my old pal today and I felt the urge to get some feelers down in poem form. Feel free to add suggestions I would love to expand on this idea. 

Big Sky Reflections

Sitting on the curb
with knees against the chest,
examining when feeling content.
 
Memories appear,
from this date last year.

She slid her hands through my hair,
I remember the flare
when my fingers tighten around hers. 

Their reflection in my eyes sharpened, 
as the world around blurred. 

What does she see? I wonder when she looks.
Does she gaze into who I am,
what I am, or who I could be?

One year goes by, hers and my future
did not align. 

She is back today on this curb I wait. 
For the girl that flew away.
Coming home to see the big sky,
in my eyes.
(08-28-2016, 08:04 AM)Bunx Wrote: [ -> ]Saw my old pal today and I felt the urge to get some feelers down in poem form. Feel free to add suggestions I would love to expand on this idea. 

Big Sky Reflections

Sitting on the curb
with knees against the chest,
examining when feeling content.  suggestion:  word other than "examining."  "Reflecting" is out (title) - "daydreaming?"
 
Memories appear,
from this date last year.

She slid her hands through my hair,
I remember the flare
when my fingers tighten around hers. present tense, shifting in this stanza - nice.

Their reflection in my eyes sharpened,   this is very subtle - we're fully back in the present with this stanza, remembering as if there then... should verbs be present tense to show immediacy of the thought?
as the world around blurred. 

What does she see? I wonder when she looks.  Still in the present, so present tense.
Does she gaze into who I am,
what I am, or who I could be?  "what I am" - "now with a badge" - nice distinction.

One year goes by, hers and my future  year went by?  No, still reflecting in the present.   Also, strictly, "her" but sounds forced... "her future and mine" or "my future and hers?"
did not align. 

She is back today on this curb I wait.  To heighten the equivocal, perhaps "as I wait?"
For the girl that flew away. Just a thought... "who flew" for more personal (and internal rhyme).
Coming home to see the big sky,  is comma needed?
in my eyes.  see below

Very good, engaging reverie.  The theme of reflections in eyes is there, but needs to be more explicit around Stanza 4 to set that hook for the ending, IMHO.

Thanks for posting!
Hi Bunx,

I think you need a little tightning up perhaps: here are my thoughts


Sitting on the curb
with knees against the chest,
examining when  introspective about
feeling content.
 
Memories appear,
from this date last year.
 
She slid her hands
through my hair,
I remember the flare
when my fingers tighten
around hers. 
 
Their reflection
in my eyes sharpened, 
as the world around blurred. 
 
I wonder when she looks.
What does she see?
 
Does she gaze into;
who I am,
what I am,
or who I could be?
 
One A year goes by,
hers and my-
future did not align. 
 
She is back today
on this curb I wait. 
 
For the girl that
flew away.
 
Coming home to see
the big sky, in my eyes.



(08-28-2016, 08:04 AM)Bunx Wrote: [ -> ]Saw my old pal today and I felt the urge to get some feelers down in poem form. Feel free to add suggestions I would love to expand on this idea. 

Big Sky Reflections

Sitting on the curb
with knees against the chest,
examining when feeling content.
 
Memories appear,
from this date last year.

She slid her hands through my hair,
I remember the flare
when my fingers tighten around hers. 

Their reflection in my eyes sharpened, 
as the world around blurred. 

What does she see? I wonder when she looks.
Does she gaze into who I am,
what I am, or who I could be?

One year goes by, hers and my future
did not align. 

She is back today on this curb I wait. 
For the girl that flew away.
Coming home to see the big sky,
in my eyes.