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The Panther Pisses In The Rill

Wild Clover bloom upon the hill,
The Panther pisses in the rill.
The tawny waters dark and serene
Are swept onward to another scene.


Fin
Kubla Khan,

Ah, I have never seen a poem write another poem before, unless you are a son of a barbarian and then your name would be spelled wrong. Nope, definitely a poem. Evidently you have been reading poems of the Romantics. "Rill" was one of their favorite words. "Rill" becoming more archaic every day. Used either as affectation or in imitation of the Romantics, neither probably a good reason for its usage. Really the only thing you are missing is the invocation of the muse.

Poems are legitimately center justified for only concrete or shape poems. The only other use it has is in poor rhyming poetry bound in a fancy book to rest on old ladies' (who know nothing about poetry) coffee tables...well, and Hallmark cards which are really more rhyme than poem.

Oooh, the fancy French film ending "fin". Please never use that again as this is neither a film or a Mexican soap opera. It does act as the last line rejoinder in Romantic poetry, but this poem hardly warrants that.  

Sorry I thought this was in the "Newly Registered Forum," I didn't see it was in the "fun forum". Please disregard the above.

Welcome to the site,


Dale
I think you missed the whole boat, buddy. How could you interpret that poem as anything other than frivolousity? The "Fin" was introduced to further compound the absurdity, as "rill" itself was meant to convey the same imports. Can you comprehend levity?
If you can, indeed, comprehend levity, then my supposition is you felt dwindled when peering upon the genius which is "The Panther Pisses In The Rill"
And was briefly overtaken by a wild manic urge to desecrate something beautiful.
That too was levity, I hope you caught it that time.

Though, speaking of Kubla Khan, the short poem on your profile reminds me eerily of KK's ending lines.
(01-14-2015, 02:46 AM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]
The Panther Pisses In The Rill

Wild Clover bloom upon the hill,
The Panther pisses in the rill.
The tawny waters dark and serene
Are swept onward to another scene.



Fin

(01-14-2015, 03:45 AM)Erthona Wrote: [ -> ]Kubla Khan,

Ah, I have never seen a poem write another poem before, unless you are a son of a barbarian and then your name would be spelled wrong. Nope, definitely a poem. Evidently you have been reading poems of the Romantics. "Rill" was one of their favorite words. "Rill" becoming more archaic every day. Used either as affectation or in imitation of the Romantics, neither probably a good reason for its usage. Really the only thing you are missing is the invocation of the muse.

Poems are legitimately center justified for only concrete or shape poems. The only other use it has is in poor rhyming poetry bound in a fancy book to rest on old ladies' (who know nothing about poetry) coffee tables...well, and Hallmark cards which are really more rhyme than poem.

Oooh, the fancy French film ending "fin". Please never use that again as this is neither a film or a Mexican soap opera. It does act as the last line rejoinder in Romantic poetry, but this poem hardly warrants that.  

Sorry I thought this was in the "Newly Registered Forum," I didn't see it was in the "fun forum". Please disregard the above.

Welcome to the site,


Dale

Hysterical

(01-14-2015, 06:29 AM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]I think you missed the whole boat, buddy. How could you interpret that poem as anything other than frivolousity? The "Fin" was introduced to further compound the absurdity, as "rill" itself was meant to convey the same imports. Can you comprehend levity?
If you can, indeed, comprehend levity, then my supposition is you felt dwindled when peering upon the genius which is "The Panther Pisses In The Rill"
And was briefly overtaken by a wild manic urge to desecrate something beautiful.
That too was levity, I hope you caught it that time.

Though, speaking of Kubla Khan, the short poem on your profile reminds me eerily of KK's ending lines.

Dale can critique anything.  Big Grin

Wild Clover bloom upon the hill,
The Panther pisses in the rill.
The tawny waters dark and still
Around the bend will beer steins fill.

Fixed the meter a bit and added a little inversion for good measure.  Big Grin
Most large cats have the good sense not to piss near a water source. The cubs don't always get it, but they do love levity.
"Sorry I thought this was in the "Newly Registered Forum," I didn't see it was in the "fun forum". Please disregard the above."

This is Dale's comprehension of levity and throwing back at you. Can you comprehend sarcasm? Wink

As to the poem itself---
the meter in L3 & 4 were screwed...ella was right about that.
as to the 'fin' I love that since I'm a huge fan of entendre and caught the fish thing.

Welcome to the site. I would suggest in the future to try not to be quite so defensive---it helps to have a very thick skin, and if you have to explain your poetry, you've not connected with your audience.

Cheers!

bena
Panthers pissing, panthers pissing
in the rill and in the clover
only thing that's really missing -
a fresh pint now the work day's over.
Because the Panther’s name began with P
He ‘ploded pee pee in the rushing rill.
His bladder emptied like the ee of sea,
And one more p was added to the lapping mill.
Hey Brownlie, that some mighty fine nonsense you got there. milo too, but don't tell him.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Thank you mel. It;s nice to have my own apologist, gods know I need one.
_________________________________________________________________________________
 
"I think you missed the whole boat, buddy. How could you interpret that poem as anything other than frivolousity?" I don't how I could interpret the poem as "frivolousity," since that is not a word.  Regardless I don't believe I ever interpreted the poem at all.

"Can you comprehend levity?" Of course and when you show me some I will comprehend it.

Half of my brain is dedicated to jokes, the other half is dedicated to less worthy things. De-dum ching!  

Hey, I didn't even pick on your meter.
______________________________________
So which is it frivolity or levity?

I think he thinks it's both.

OK, step away from the panther: quietly. If he looks like he is going to spray, run like hell!

How far is a safe distance?

I would guess at least twenty feet. Purloined panthers have power hoses. ( I hope you appreciate the alliteration I went to).  

Ooh Icy,
it appears I'm afloat,
in a boat,
oh no a fin!
It is the end! 
Ah, piss on it.
If I could I wouldn't be afloat in the first place.
At least I didn't miss the boat this time.
Hey how many of me are there here?
I think at least seven, but I haven't been everywhere,
I didn't want to rile that rill, or piss off the panther.


dale

   
(01-14-2015, 02:46 AM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]The Panther Pisses In The Rill

Wild Clover bloom upon the hill,
The Panther pisses in the rill.
The tawny waters dark and serene
Are swept onward to another scene.

                    Fin

I'd suggest fixing the rhythm and sundry such:

Wild clover bloom upon the hill,
The panther pisses in the rill.
Its tawny waters foul, unclean;
bespeak regression t'wards the mean.


And yes, yeah, all that... and welcome to the 'pen where fun poems are
taken seriously and serious poems aren't as pathetic as they seem (at first).

There's a microbrewery in Flatonia, Texas that markets a pale ale called
"Panther Piss". It's a dark, tawny brew that, after the forth, lends a
certain justice to the words strewn here.

How real is this? A hammer to that flat glow in front of you will tell.
First thing first, I would like to give an explanation, though a sorry one. lol
I could not fall asleep last night and stayed awake through the day and so took a fairly good dose of Ambien To induce some repose but instead of falling asleep I found myself in a stupor causing a ruckus here on pigpen. Lol
To Dale: Shakespeare invented words pretty consistently so.... Big Grin
Lol, I actually invent words all of the time. Conception(s) is one I'm fond of using.
Your original post was not so abrasive, but the closing lines seemed sardonic or contumelious to me.
I felt like you were speaking in embellished derision (invoking the muse) throughout your post, seemingly missing the "levity," as I do deemed, which Webster defines as "excessive or unseemly frivolity" or "lacking seriousness," (so got you there)
And then sealed it with a cold sentiment. Although, I can now see the inverted humor in it.
Although meant in good jest, it still yet seems a bit subtle for someone who does not have an idea for who you are.
Irregardless, I apologize.

(01-14-2015, 10:33 AM)bena Wrote: [ -> ]"Sorry I thought this was in the "Newly Registered Forum," I didn't see it was in the "fun forum". Please disregard the above."

This is Dale's comprehension of levity and throwing back at you.  Can you comprehend sarcasm? Wink

As to the poem itself---
the meter in L3 & 4 were screwed...ella was right about that.  
as to the 'fin' I love that since I'm a huge fan of entendre and caught the fish thing.

Welcome to the site.  I would suggest in the future to try not to be quite so defensive---it helps to have a very thick skin, and if you have to explain your poetry, you've not connected with your audience.  

Cheers!

bena

Hey, thank you for your post!
Yeah, the humor in his first post was lost on me. Oops.
And Thank you for your kind words Smile

(01-14-2015, 09:33 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: [ -> ]Most large cats have the good sense not to piss near a water source. The cubs don't always get it, but they do love levity.

Lol at this. Everytime I've read it I've chuckled.

(01-14-2015, 04:15 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: [ -> ]
(01-14-2015, 02:46 AM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]The Panther Pisses In The Rill

Wild Clover bloom upon the hill,
The Panther pisses in the rill.
The tawny waters dark and serene
Are swept onward to another scene.

                    Fin

I'd suggest fixing the rhythm and sundry such:

Wild clover bloom upon the hill,
The panther pisses in the rill.
Its tawny waters foul, unclean;
bespeak regression t'wards the mean.


And yes, yeah, all that... and welcome to the 'pen where fun poems are
taken seriously and serious poems aren't as pathetic as they seem (at first).

There's a microbrewery in Flatonia, Texas that markets a pale ale called
"Panther Piss". It's a dark, tawny brew that, after the forth, lends a
certain justice to the words strewn here.

How real is this? A hammer to that flat glow in front of you will tell.

Is it by the same people who make "Sex Panther?" Lol

I have never had much interest in meter or melody when when writing. That is actually an area I'm wholly ignorant of. Although, I do like Ella's take on the rhyme scheme and syntax (is that the right word? Probably not.)
^^syntax is good. Irregardless is not, and if you say it again I shall smack you with 1000000 wet noodles. Fair warning.
(01-15-2015, 12:35 AM)bena Wrote: [ -> ]^^syntax is good.  Irregardless is not, and if you say it again I shall smack you with 1000000 wet noodles.   Fair warning.

"Conception" is no good either. I love made up words, but the suffix "-ion" creates an abstract noun out of a verb. In this case, concept is already an abstract noun so "-ion" just makes a longer, less efficient, less correct form of the exact same word.
(01-15-2015, 12:35 AM)bena Wrote: [ -> ]^^syntax is good.  Irregardless is not, and if you say it again I shall smack you with 1000000 wet noodles.   Fair warning.

Maybe I like getting smacked with wet noodles. Maybe wet noodle bondage is a hobby of mine. You ever think of that?




I knew irregardless was the wrong word. I just sometime have a rebel urge.

Irregardless, I'm ready for my noodle smack. Wink
Don't make me get out the nail gun on our first date.
(01-15-2015, 11:58 PM)bena Wrote: [ -> ]Don't make me get out the nail gun on our first date.

That is the kind of crazy I like.
(01-15-2015, 12:46 AM)milo Wrote: [ -> ]
(01-15-2015, 12:35 AM)bena Wrote: [ -> ]^^syntax is good.  Irregardless is not, and if you say it again I shall smack you with 1000000 wet noodles.   Fair warning.

"Conception" is no good either. I love made up words, but the suffix "-ion" creates an abstract noun out of a verb. In this case, concept is already an abstract noun so "-ion" just makes a longer, less efficient, less correct form of the exact same word.

I was just reading this book of Edgar Allan Poe's poems(not that I really much like his poetry) and at the ending there is a letter which he'd written, to someone unaddressed, and thought you may find this
interdasting.

Of Coleridge:

"He has imprisoned his own conceptions by the barrier he has erected against those of others."

So if you don't like the word, tell it to Edgar Allan Poe.
(01-16-2015, 05:07 PM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]I was just reading this book of Edgar Allan Poe's poems(not that I really much like his poetry) and at the ending there is a letter which he'd written, to someone unaddressed, and thought you may find this
interdasting.

Of Coleridge:

"He has imprisoned his own conceptions by the barrier he has erected against those of others."

So if you don't like the word, tell it to Edgar Allan Poe.

I've tried this only to be ignored; Poe can be a bit standoffish, Annabel's worse.

Milo, for all his perspicacityishnous, lacks creative vocabularitiness. His conceptionnessability,
his wordabiltyness, is circumscribable by the OEDity.
(01-17-2015, 10:02 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: [ -> ]
(01-16-2015, 05:07 PM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]I was just reading this book of Edgar Allan Poe's poems(not that I really much like his poetry) and at the ending there is a letter which he'd written, to someone unaddressed, and thought you may find this
interdasting.

Of Coleridge:

"He has imprisoned his own conceptions by the barrier he has erected against those of others."

So if you don't like the word, tell it to Edgar Allan Poe.

I've tried this only to be ignored; Poe can be a bit standoffish, Annabel's worse.

Milo, for all his perspicacityishnous, lacks creative vocabularitiness. His conceptionnessability,
his wordabiltyness, is circumscribable by the OEDity.

Is that pig Latin or something?
(01-16-2015, 05:07 PM)Kubla Khan Wrote: [ -> ]
(01-15-2015, 12:46 AM)milo Wrote: [ -> ]
(01-15-2015, 12:35 AM)bena Wrote: [ -> ]^^syntax is good.  Irregardless is not, and if you say it again I shall smack you with 1000000 wet noodles.   Fair warning.

"Conception" is no good either. I love made up words, but the suffix "-ion" creates an abstract noun out of a verb. In this case, concept is already an abstract noun so "-ion" just makes a longer, less efficient, less correct form of the exact same word.

I was just reading this book of Edgar Allan Poe's poems(not that I really much like his poetry) and at the ending there is a letter which he'd written, to someone unaddressed, and thought you may find this
interdasting.

Of Coleridge:

"He has imprisoned his own conceptions by the barrier he has erected against those of others."

So if you don't like the word, tell it to Edgar Allan Poe.

In addition it is possible that Jesus Christ was created through immaculate . . .
You do know that it was a huge movie, right?
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