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Full Version: Am I an asshole?
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82.7% of the time I read through the first few lines of a poem, I audibly "ugh" at it.

I get road rage with poetry.
Must be a Jersey thing.
Yes you are, that's why we let you keep coming back.

That's a mild response. Sometimes I throw up a whole kidney.
82.7%, sounds kind of low.

Dale
Just for you Sandra, I made a pome from some first lines of the Newly Registered forum. I may be evil, but I cut and paste with the best of 'em:


This poem is just for you
We are told to be
The slow descent into insanity.
The maggots raised inside the flesh
It's terrible. The Itch.
I'm worrying
What if my skull was full of hot air
Cold were those nights of fall
If I gave my heart a paintbrush
Why build you here
The Eyes see without seeing
Confusing melancholy

The trees are on fire again
It's another evening, turning into night,

We were lovers
Engaging in the excrement of dark shadows
Trapped in my own stream of consciousness,
I see it all around me
Come by my side friend
Don't blame God
The devil’s pulse is the heartbeat of happiness
Kickboxing again
Leanne, that was... I cannot give any criticism, honestly. Wonderful. Tears to my eyes. I could RELATE.
aaaw, bless big hug
hugs all round
if i may....asshole Thumbsup
and yes news, i too am in the asshole class. thankfully we have a percentage of semi-decent to decent poets as well. it can sometimes be hard not to be cruel.

(05-05-2014, 01:39 PM)RSaba Wrote: [ -> ]Leanne, that was... I cannot give any criticism, honestly. Wonderful. Tears to my eyes. I could RELATE.

the eyes bleed without seeing more like.
at least you didn't ask for feedback on it Big Grin

loved it

(05-05-2014, 01:12 PM)Leanne Wrote: [ -> ]Just for you Sandra, I made a pome from some first lines of the Newly Registered forum. I may be evil, but I cut and paste with the best of 'em:


This poem is just for you
We are told to be
The slow descent into insanity.
The maggots raised inside the flesh
It's terrible. The Itch.
I'm worrying
What if my skull was full of hot air
Cold were those nights of fall
If I gave my heart a paintbrush
Why build you here
The Eyes see without seeing
Confusing melancholy

The trees are on fire again
It's another evening, turning into night,

We were lovers
Engaging in the excrement of dark shadows
Trapped in my own stream of consciousness,
I see it all around me
Come by my side friend
Don't blame God
The devil’s pulse is the heartbeat of happiness
Kickboxing again

i'll have some of them. people generally stay away from me due to the leprosy Sad

(05-05-2014, 02:17 PM)RSaba Wrote: [ -> ]hugs all round
If you don't hook them with that first line, you lose them. I better check on my openers.

Nice to see you popping in now and again./Chris
I do that, get poetry road rage, mainly with my own poems, and generally before I have even written them... it goes something like: "The sky... ugh! Curse you sky for being so big no man alive could hope to escape your metaphor [shakes fist at sky]. Curse you sea for being some filthy Emo's wet dream [shakes fist at some random place on the horizon]. Curse you death for making cliches of us all [shakes fist at sky again]. And curse you abstract nouns for not giving me an appropriate direction to shake my fist in [shakes head and sighs]."
(05-05-2014, 01:12 PM)Leanne Wrote: [ -> ]Just for you Sandra, I made a pome from some first lines of the Newly Registered forum. I may be evil, but I cut and paste with the best of 'em:


This poem is just for you
We are told to be
The slow descent into insanity.
The maggots raised inside the flesh
It's terrible. The Itch.
I'm worrying
What if my skull was full of hot air
Cold were those nights of fall
If I gave my heart a paintbrush
Why build you here
The Eyes see without seeing
Confusing melancholy

The trees are on fire again
It's another evening, turning into night,

We were lovers
Engaging in the excrement of dark shadows
Trapped in my own stream of consciousness,
I see it all around me
Come by my side friend
Don't blame God
The devil’s pulse is the heartbeat of happiness
Kickboxing again

This juxtaposition is hilarious:

We were lovers
Engaging in the excrement of dark shadows
In short, yes.
I opened this thread thinking Milo had started it in a moment of clarity.

Imagine my surprise
(05-06-2014, 12:39 PM)Todd Wrote: [ -> ]I opened this thread thinking Milo had started it in a moment of charity.

Imagine my surprise
[f/xed]
Leanne, that poem is actually quite magnificent. It also probably took more time to put it together than most of the shite I've seen.

(05-06-2014, 12:07 AM)kindofahippy Wrote: [ -> ]In short, yes.

This just makes me wonder if I've been mean to you.
I think this passage far surpasses most first post:

"We were lovers
Engaging in the excrement of dark shadows
Trapped in my own stream of consciousness,
I see it all around me"


Dale
i quite like that dale Big Grin

leanne has a deft touch don't you think Big Grin
As always

Dale